Words of Affirmation

Todd Claypool • January 14, 2022

4 Ways to be More Encouraging in Your Relationships


A Word of Affirmation Can Change the Course of our Day. 


Have you ever had a really bad day?  The kind of day when you didn’t sleep well the night before and then nothing seems to go right the next morning.  Your toast is burnt as you rush out the door and forget your coffee. At this point, you’re tired, hungry, you look a mess, and you realize the major project you’re working on at work is not going well.  Then, right before an important meeting, you spill something on your shirt. If you are like me, it’s at this point you hope that nothing is said because you are doing everything you can to just hold the frustration inside.  My guess is that we’ve all had at least one day like that and needed some encouragement. 


All of us can probably think of a time when we were having a tough day and someone, perhaps even a stranger, offered a kind word of encouragement.  These simple words have a profound effect on our day and is appreciated by the receiver. 


It’s in one of these moments a kind soul offers a word of encouragement such as “I really appreciate you and your hard work,” or “You really do a great job around here, I know that what you do is not easy and I’m grateful for you.”  


Well- Placed Words


Well-placed words of affirmation can have a huge impact on our day because they speak courage into us when we feel insecure (Chapman G. D., 2004).  When we’re having a bad day, the words from a kind person seem to melt away the stress. That’s the kind of person I desire to be.  I want to be the kind of husband, father, and friend who speaks positive words of encouragement into those around me.   

A Word of Affirmation Can Change the Course of Your Life. 


What’s true in casual or work relationships can be even more impactful in close family relationships.  I will bet that there is a time in your life when someone offered you an encouraging word of affirmation.  It could be that your father, your mother, an uncle, an aunt, a coach, or a teacher, at just the right moment said something encouraging to you that had a great impact on your life. It may have even motivated you to do something that was difficult for you.      


I can remember a significant moment in my life where a well-timed word of affirmation changed my life. I was a teenager and one Sunday after church my father spoke into my life in such a way that instilled a strong belief in myself.  I’ve always had encouragement from my parents, but it was the way that my Dad said those words to me that at that very moment I believed I could conquer the world.  


Nearly forty years later I still remember these words.  It’s not just that I remember the words, but that it still has meaning and impact on my life after all these years! Chapman tells us that sometimes it’s how the words are said to you that really matter (Chapman G. D., 2004).


Who Has Encouraged You With Words of Affirmation?


As I think back on the people who had the most impact on my life, it is the ones who encouraged me with words of affirmation. Words of affirmation is a valuable skill in leadership because they initiate change and motivate growth in life. It helps people become what created destiny that God gives to each of us. When a person speaks words of affirmation into our lives it influences us to develop the person within. This is what Dr. Chapman calls the “latent potential” that “awaits your encouraging words” (Chapman G. D., 2004). 

The encouraging words persuade us to do better, to mature, and reach for higher levels that we could not see by ourselves. It is that quality that I want to emulate in my marriage, as a parent, and as a leader in the community. I believe that God is calling His people to be leaders who speak Gospel Truth and Love into the hearts and minds of those we encounter in our daily lives. You can integrate this into your everyday activities by being intentional in saying a kind word of encouragement or a word of hope to those around you.


A Word Of Affirmation Can Be Medicine To The Soul. 

This is the impact that our words can have in life, maybe even in eternity.  Proverbs 15:1 tells us that “a kind word turns away wrath.” Have you ever considered that in the heat of the moment that your words have the power to change the course of an argument? Think of the possibilities when a discussion is starting to go the wrong way that you could offer a powerful word of affirmation and encouragement and alter the dispute into agreement; instead of a quarrel, you can have peace; instead of friction, harmony.

Words of affirmation must be genuine.


Most people can see right through phony words that are empty of real meaning. The Apostle Paul told the church in Ephesus to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). This means that we need to say even the hard things in a gentle and loving way. 

Remember that love is kind. (1 Corinthians 13:4). Without a doubt, our society can use a healthy dose of this lesson. The world needs love and when we learn to communicate love we’ll see things change. We’ll see marriages restored, families grow closer, neighbors getting along better—it all starts with communicating love.   


I think this is where self-awareness and self-care are so important. Without practicing these things we lose our sense of emotional regulation. Truth is that most of us have times where we lose sight of what’s important. In our hurriedness of life, we become very task-oriented and forget about ourselves. In the process of trying to just “get everything done,” there’s the tendency to “steamroll” over people, especially those we love the most. We forget that we talking to someone we care about and say thoughtless things. Slowing down and thinking about what we really want to communicate is so important. Pausing for a moment helps us to recognize our own needs. Sometimes we push ourselves too hard and we need a break. When this happens give yourself permission to relax, take a walk, enjoy a hobby, or do something that helps you reconnect with yourself and the values that you hold dear. During your break practice good self-talk and speak positive words of affirmation to yourself.

 

A Word Of Affirmation Is A Great Way To Communicate Love.


To summarize, words of affirmation can have a significant impact on a person’s day, or even someone’s life. We have to be very careful to use our words to affirm and encourage each other and not use them as weapons that can damage relationships. Affirming words can bring healing and life when we use them correctly. Making good use of encouraging words is a powerful life skill you can develop. Whatever skill level we find ourselves we can all practice and learn to increase our ability to use and encourage each other more each day.


Works Cited

Chapman, G. (2021). Quizzes. Retrieved from Five Love Languages: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Chapman, G. D. (2004). The Five Love Languages. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.

 

How Do I Gain Confidence and the Ability to Share and Receive Love?

By Todd Claypool • January 4, 2022
Love is such a complex subject matter. Think of how frequent and diverse context we use the word in conversation. It is used as a flippant remark that we “love” food, a certain beverage rather than another; we “love” a travel destination, or the scent of a new car. However, we also use “love” to describe our deepest feelings for another person; I “love” my wife and my kids. While I really do “love” my wife and my sons so much more than my fondness for comfort food, or a great soft drink; but our superficial and frequent use of the word “love” diminishes the impact it has in the conversation. Expressing and receiving love is extremely convoluted and requires a lot of dedication and persistence. Too often it involves struggles and heartache that can derail to process. Even with persistence, it takes a willingness to stay vulnerably engage in heartfelt affection and requires an environment of safety and trust. It is also a fact that giving and receiving genuine love is well within your grasp to have and to hold from this day forward. People want and need emotional connection and you do not have to look hard to see proof of this. Have you ever noticed how a song can reach deep into our soul and explain a thought that is otherwise obscure? We appreciate how a lyric can speak right to us and that some artists seem to have that ability to sing right to the heart. We celebrate when we hear a powerful sermon that stirs deep in our soul. Each of us long for this type of connection, where our hearts join in some type of solidarity, saying we are not alone in our deepest desire of the heart. This is a yearning that somehow enables us to articulate what we feel deep inside. It is also the same feeling that exists in the most intimate relationship when two people communicate “love” in such a way that brings their hearts together as one. A man and woman falling in love is not a new phenomenon, it happens all the time; boy sees girl and works hard to meet the girl; the girl recognizes boy and reciprocates the attention; and the rest they say, is history. God’s perfect design tells us that a man and woman wanting to be together is a distinct part of our created being. Genesis 2 tells us “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” In fact, the next verse tells us that both the man and woman were naked and not ashamed. It is amazing that in the midst of such vulnerability that a man and woman can be so close that they are described as one person. Most would agree that it is more difficult staying in love. In this fallen world in which we live in there are tremendous challenges and obstacles to experience biblical oneness and these can be devastatingly difficult for couples and families to navigate. Even with these obstacles, the complexity is that there seems to be a relationship skill deficit in contemporary society. We hear people tell us that they struggle to be in a close relationship. The expression of love is extremely delicate, not only in the struggle to communicate, but also to give and receive love. Over the next few weeks, Capernaum Care will talk about on how to effectively share and receive love. We’ll share from Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages” and how applying these simple things will help you communicate your deepest feelings to the ones you love. We understand that this is different for everyone, and that each person must cultivate their own “love language” (Chapman, 2004) in a way that communicates the deepest affection So regardless of how fluent you are in your love language, our hope is that these articles will guide you to a deeper level of affection with those whom you love. Capernaum Care will post articles that concentrate on Chapman’s Five Love Languages: 1. Words of Affirmation, 2. Quality Time, 3. Receiving Gifts, 4. Acts of Service, and 5. Physical Touch. We want to encourage you to take the test so you can find out your love language by going to this link: The Love Language™ Quiz (5lovelanguages.com) (Chapman G. , 2021) After you complete the test you will get a personalized breakdown of your love language. While it is important to know your own love language so you can understand the language you speak, it is crucial to know the language of those closest to you. Ask your spouse and your closest family members to take the quiz and share the results with you. This provides invaluable insight for you to learn to speak their love language. Have some fun with this and before you know it you will speak their language fluently. Our articles will build upon these principles each week and give you practical tips that you can use right away in your relationship. You’ll want to stay tuned to the Capernaum Care page so you don’t miss out on this wonderful opportunity! Works Cited: Chapman, G. (2021). Quizzes. Retrieved from Five Love Languages: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ Chapman, G. D. (2004). The Five Love Languages. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.
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